My Birthday...

my b'day was july 23rd and i turned 37...yes, i put my age out there into virtual eternity...37! it's funny, but i don't feel as old as that number looks. i really still feel like i'm in my 20's. i was thinking, "do i feel as if i know as much as a 37 year old should know? have i accomplished all that a 37 year old should accomplish?"

i've heard people say that they had to put their life on hold because they had kids. or, kids limit what you can do. but, as i reflected (that's a word, right??) on my life the day before my b'day (as i do every year), i thought about all that i had accomplished before jacob. i mean i taught in three different school districts, i've taught students from all over the world, i have my M.Ed., i've been an administrator, i've been a speaker, i've been published (albeit in "low-scale" magazines), traveled, and had a great life. but, the hardest, most stressful, most rewarding, and definitely the only job i've EVER had that encompassed and developed all aspects of my being has been being a mom. it seems as if i was re-born a third time (2nd time as a christian) as my son was being born. i mean even during the birthing process, i drew upon a reserve of which i had no idea i contained. and, i felt like i was pretty self-actualized.

why do people make light of such an enormous and awesome job that is parenting? my hubby asked me if i'm ever going to stop staring at jacob and saying, "i can't believe he came from me? i can't believe god allowed me to participate in his miracle." hahaha he's 17 mos. now, and i still do it.

really, what did i do to deserve this gift of being the vessel through which this wonderful being would come into the world and who would fill something that was missing from the world? there is something god needs done in this world that only my jacob can do. and, his parents are the ones god has entrusted to prepare him for doing it! i am so glad god will fill in the gaps of our mistakes, and take the good and the bad of jacob's life to be for his glory.

so i look forward to the future and think about how i had 35 years of preparation for my greatest accomplishment to date....my little jacob. what a great birthday indeed!!!