My Ring

i lost my wedding ring. it's been missing for about a week. it's weird how i miss having it on my finger. i remember having to get adjusted to wearing it since i stopped keeping rings on overnight about 9 years ago (i sliced through my finger with a glass that had broken in the water while washing dishes. my finger swelled very rapidly. the emergency doctor could not cut the ring off my finger because of the swelling and was about to take my finger! prayer and a quick tug from me changed the outcome of that decision!!!).

anyway, not having it caused me to frequent the memory of my life before marriage, step-children, and my own child. a bare finger brought me face to face with my secret desires of having to work only with MY schedule, cook meals I desired, go places I wanted to go, read MY books, get dressed with only ME in mind, shower/bathe/just be in the bathroom as long as I wanted, have time to watch MY shows, shop for MYSELF, deal only with MY moods, seek MY own counsel (and God of course) on issues, go eat at places of MY choosing...(and on and on)
i also found myself wondering if people thought i was a single parent when jacob and i were out and about (i'm not slamming single parenting---hey you do what you gotta do---that's just not what i desire for me).

lou and i went to a marriage seminar a few weekends ago facilitated by jimmy evans. he used the story of exodus 16 to illustrate the renewal of marriage daily. in the story, the lord rained down manna from heaven, but the israelites were to gather as much as they needed daily and discard the rest. no one was to keep any of it until morning.

of course, telling someone not to do something is a definite sign that they WILL do just that. so, those that kept the manna until morning discovered it was filled with maggots and began to smell. his point was "yesterday's love is worthless. love only works today. all points you may have think you gained during the day evaporate at midnight every night. if you married a 'normal' person, they're gonna need you everyday."

let me just continue on with a few more things he stated about marriage because i feel someone needs to hear this (then i'll return to my ring story :) )...

he said there are 4 common misconceptions about marriage: 1) if we marry the right person, the emotions will happen naturally and effortlessly---[WRONG! there is no such thing as a marriage where the chemistry is always there]
2) if my emotions have changed toward my spouse, then i must have married the wrong person---[WRONG! you'll have issues in marriage--it doesn't matter who they are. if you trusted God then with your decision, trust him now. he used a cute illustration at this point. you know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." well, he said he heard someone say, "when the grass looks greener on the other side, it's time to water your own yard." or "when the grass looks greener on the other sided, it's cuz you can't see the poop from here." hahahaha my take on that is "the grass is greener on the other side, but it still has to mowed too." (feel free to use that one :)
3) positive events, experiences, and actions should fuel the emotions long term. [WRONG! love is the most perishable thing on earth]...then he went into the manna story...

he continued with there are three laws of marriage: 1) The Law of Priority (put each other first after God) 2) Law of Pursuit (have to work at it) 3) Law of Possesion (everything we have we share--"the two shall become one" (Gen. 2:24)---everything i owned previously is now ours. anything i will not give up can potentially harm the marriage. "MY" destroys marriages.

so back to my ring...

eventually, i began to miss it. then i found myself grateful for who i have now become as a wife and mother. everything i've done, the person i once was, was training ground for who i am now. yes, i may at times resist, but this is now my calling;this is now my ministry;this is now my life, and i embrace it joyfully. i am metaphorically turning clockwise the first letter of the pronoun"M"E into "W"E in my spirit--as well as in my life.
i felt naked without my ring, much as i felt spiritually naked wallowing in the longings of a time long since gone by. and everyday, as i got dressed, i always felt like something was missing. and then i remembered the reality of my single life. it was great. and, i at the time felt i was not missing anything because i was complete in christ (it's only been 2.5 years ago). yet, i understand more now of the "mystery of marriage." it's a bond you have no idea of until you actually go through it.

when i found my ring hidden in the pocket of my dirty jeans needing to be washed (which is an analogy in and of itself---but you get the point :) ), it effortlessly slipped onto my ring finger as if to say, " i wasn't lost...just waiting...waiting for you to find me and all that i symbolize."

in christ, nothing happens by chance.