my son conned me the other day---now, whether it was planned or unintentional remains to be seen, but it is kinda funny. we've been working on writing. he's gotten so much better with writing upper and lower case, and i love that he loves to learn. well, he was having "imagination time" and just out of the blue asked me if i'd help him write a big X. not a capital X, mind you, but an X that reached from corner to corner on the paper.
i was internally soooo excited. i thought he was creating his own collection of large letters to put on his wall to help him get that much closer to reading. i was even more excited when he just HAD to have my husband (lou) help him put it on the wall. but, he wanted it on the outside of his door for some reason. thinking that a bit odd, but glad he was posting his letters, i just smiled.
well, the next day as i was cooking breakfast, jacob (4 yrs) closed the door on his little brother (hudson-11 months) who was toddling his way toward the room. he immediately opened the door, and upon seeing hudson turning away from the door and toddling in another direction, yelled "IT WORKS!" i quickly admonished him for closing the door in his little brother's face, and said, "what works jacob?" he replied, "my X! it's to keep people out of my room!"
hahahaha
29 September 2010
23 September 2010
Deep Discoveries - What's in a Name?
Been thinkin' this week about the names of God. My pastor has begun his series on the names of God and just wanted to share...
Pastor Tony Evans:
"One of the primary ways God has helped us to see Him clearly is through His names."
Elohim = Power
a) God is the only one who can create something from nothing.
b) God doesn't need the visible to show you the visible. He can create from the invisible.
c) is a plural word (more than one person although 1 God)
d) greater than the sum total of His creation (i.e. galaxies). He exists in a WHOLE nother dimension for us.
e) When you see "God" in the Bible. This is the meaning behind the name.
I AM = Jehovah = Yahweh = YWHW = LORD ("capital L capital O capital R capital D...as pastor said) = Revelatory/Personal Name
a)Pastor went into the background of how I AM or YWHW was a name that was so sacred, Jewish Rabbi's never spoke it to not mistake it, misuse it, or use it in vain.
b)is the self-revealed, self-declared, sacred name of God.
c)vowels were added (Yahweh) to keep the essence of the name, but could now be said.
d)Jehovah, is the English translation.
e)name He told to Moses from the bush which was on fire but not burning
f)from "to be"; is written twice;"to be" is to exist-so, God says to Moses by saying "I AM that I AM sent you" , "Tell them (in translation) the One who exists because He exists, sent you."
g) God is the only one who has no preceding influences to cause Him to be or external factors to continue to be.
h)only self-generating being in the universe who can go to Himself to get what He needs...totally self-sufficient within Himself.
i)"I AM" also = present tense (no yesterday or tomorrow)--no linear recognition of time which is why you can trust him because he's already in tomorrow...it is the now. And, even though you're not in His dimension, you can touch His dimension if you know His name.
I recommend purchasing the DVD (ocbfchurch.org). I only gave a glimpse of all that Pastor discussed...and this is only the beginning.
I now understand in my NIV translation, that when I read "God", it is referring to the power of God (i.e. the creator of the universe, creating the heavens and the earth), but when I see LORD, it is when God is revealing himself in a relational way.
Hope this blesses you!
Pastor Tony Evans:
"One of the primary ways God has helped us to see Him clearly is through His names."
Elohim = Power
a) God is the only one who can create something from nothing.
b) God doesn't need the visible to show you the visible. He can create from the invisible.
c) is a plural word (more than one person although 1 God)
d) greater than the sum total of His creation (i.e. galaxies). He exists in a WHOLE nother dimension for us.
e) When you see "God" in the Bible. This is the meaning behind the name.
I AM = Jehovah = Yahweh = YWHW = LORD ("capital L capital O capital R capital D...as pastor said) = Revelatory/Personal Name
a)Pastor went into the background of how I AM or YWHW was a name that was so sacred, Jewish Rabbi's never spoke it to not mistake it, misuse it, or use it in vain.
b)is the self-revealed, self-declared, sacred name of God.
c)vowels were added (Yahweh) to keep the essence of the name, but could now be said.
d)Jehovah, is the English translation.
e)name He told to Moses from the bush which was on fire but not burning
f)from "to be"; is written twice;"to be" is to exist-so, God says to Moses by saying "I AM that I AM sent you" , "Tell them (in translation) the One who exists because He exists, sent you."
g) God is the only one who has no preceding influences to cause Him to be or external factors to continue to be.
h)only self-generating being in the universe who can go to Himself to get what He needs...totally self-sufficient within Himself.
i)"I AM" also = present tense (no yesterday or tomorrow)--no linear recognition of time which is why you can trust him because he's already in tomorrow...it is the now. And, even though you're not in His dimension, you can touch His dimension if you know His name.
I recommend purchasing the DVD (ocbfchurch.org). I only gave a glimpse of all that Pastor discussed...and this is only the beginning.
I now understand in my NIV translation, that when I read "God", it is referring to the power of God (i.e. the creator of the universe, creating the heavens and the earth), but when I see LORD, it is when God is revealing himself in a relational way.
Hope this blesses you!
17 September 2010
Return to Eden...
wow! i hadn't realized how long it's been since i've blogged. i've been all about facebook, but i'm glad to be back to share more of what god is revealing to me about himself, about me, and about life. he is just soooo awesome!
was at the library with the kiddos and kinda skimmed over debbie allen's picture book about a young girl who loved to dance (ballet), but didn't fit the mold of what she believed most people consider a dancer. but, the first page said something like this, "from the time i was a little girl i wanted to dance. i saw dancing in the way the trees swayed, the clouds moved...etc..."(i really believe i just made that up, but it was something like that). "dancing was all around me and in me. dancing was me." (or something to that effect)
but, that's how i feel about writing, poetry, and even god's presence. i saw a story in every event, and god's presence in all things natural. my family can attest to the vivid stories i tell. and as far as seeing god's presence in everything--i remember it being very hot outside once when i was a little girl. then, suddenly, from out of nowhere, there was this cool breeze. i literally felt like god just walked up and blew his breath to fan me...stuff like that. :)
so, i'm back to blogging. cuz i just wanna share my view...with you. i'm going to try and diligently post 2x (at least) a week. thoughts are not the barrier to my writing, time is. but, now i have you to hold me accountable. :) i look forward to our dialogue...
was at the library with the kiddos and kinda skimmed over debbie allen's picture book about a young girl who loved to dance (ballet), but didn't fit the mold of what she believed most people consider a dancer. but, the first page said something like this, "from the time i was a little girl i wanted to dance. i saw dancing in the way the trees swayed, the clouds moved...etc..."(i really believe i just made that up, but it was something like that). "dancing was all around me and in me. dancing was me." (or something to that effect)
but, that's how i feel about writing, poetry, and even god's presence. i saw a story in every event, and god's presence in all things natural. my family can attest to the vivid stories i tell. and as far as seeing god's presence in everything--i remember it being very hot outside once when i was a little girl. then, suddenly, from out of nowhere, there was this cool breeze. i literally felt like god just walked up and blew his breath to fan me...stuff like that. :)
so, i'm back to blogging. cuz i just wanna share my view...with you. i'm going to try and diligently post 2x (at least) a week. thoughts are not the barrier to my writing, time is. but, now i have you to hold me accountable. :) i look forward to our dialogue...
09 December 2007
New words...
jacob is about to be 22 months old, and i wanted to record his new words as his lexicon is growing exponentially...daily:
Boo (blue)
Re (red)
cheese
juice
shoes
okay
elmo
more (when he wants something to eat and would like for you to follow him into the kitchen)
NO! (with his lips very rounded and his brow furrowed...my favorite expression...he looks too cute) :)
dis (meaning "this", with his finger pointed at what he wants--usu. food)
book
cock (clock...this ALWAYS generates a laugh from me--which confuses jacob hahaha)
ca-cuh (cracker)
waTer (it's so cute how he enunciates the "t")
Boo (blue)
Re (red)
cheese
juice
shoes
okay
elmo
more (when he wants something to eat and would like for you to follow him into the kitchen)
NO! (with his lips very rounded and his brow furrowed...my favorite expression...he looks too cute) :)
dis (meaning "this", with his finger pointed at what he wants--usu. food)
book
cock (clock...this ALWAYS generates a laugh from me--which confuses jacob hahaha)
ca-cuh (cracker)
waTer (it's so cute how he enunciates the "t")
The gift of daddies...
lou taught jacob how to climb the ladder of the bunk beds yesterday. i was horrified, but lou would not let me intervene. it was such a treat watching jacob overcome his fear.
let me set the stage...jacob loves climbing. he has progressed from just climbinig on the chair to climbing onto the table from the chair. he'll climb anything at anytime. i have been a nervous wreck checking and double-checking the house to make sure everything is safely out of "having to rush to the hospital" range, while allowing opportunities for jacob to climb.
well yesterday, after changing jacob, lou and i were just kinda hanging out in jacob's room with him, and jacob decided to climb up the first rung of the ladder on his bunk beds (which he's not ready to use yet, they're just waiting for the crib to be transitioned out :). he's done this before, but he looked up and wanted to go higher. he recognized his limitations, but lou stood behind him and was encouraging him on. i got freaked out cuz his foot kinda slipped, lou held his up behind his back to me (as if to motion me to hold on a second), jacob heard me gasp, looked over at me (whereby i, noticing i was his strength at that point, faked excitement and said, "you can do it!"). my baby followed lou's instruction and put one foot up, pulled his body up, raised one hand up, pulled his foot up, and so on and so forth until he reached the top bunk. it was amazing!
he was flipping all around on the top bunk once he reached the top. he was so excited! i was sitting on the floor watching it all, and his sweet little face looked over the railing of the top bunk looked down at me with this incredible smile and said, "HEY!" hahahaha
lou took him off to do it again because he was giving signs to go again. well, this time lou did not have his hand on him as support. i was so tense as jacob's little body was literally shaking while he tried to steady himself and pull himself up. i saw him shaking and said low "lou get him!" jacob didn't hear me, but he felt me, and looked back at me for strength. i smiled as if to say, "you can do it." he smiled, turned around then slipped! lou caught him, but jacob had pretty much caught himself. and then he climbed up faster to the top. he learned the process so quickly!
i also recognized in an instant (even though i kinda already knew this) the power of my praise. if i had shown doubt, jacob would have sensed it and probably not gone further. i must never forget this---even into his adulthood. parents can be either the wind or the pin for the balloon of life for their kids (hmmm, i like that). :)
i also appreciated lou all the more in that instance cuz he makes jacobs take risks for his growth that i would probably NEVER do! mommies strengthen the heart, but daddies strengthen the resolve. :)
let me set the stage...jacob loves climbing. he has progressed from just climbinig on the chair to climbing onto the table from the chair. he'll climb anything at anytime. i have been a nervous wreck checking and double-checking the house to make sure everything is safely out of "having to rush to the hospital" range, while allowing opportunities for jacob to climb.
well yesterday, after changing jacob, lou and i were just kinda hanging out in jacob's room with him, and jacob decided to climb up the first rung of the ladder on his bunk beds (which he's not ready to use yet, they're just waiting for the crib to be transitioned out :). he's done this before, but he looked up and wanted to go higher. he recognized his limitations, but lou stood behind him and was encouraging him on. i got freaked out cuz his foot kinda slipped, lou held his up behind his back to me (as if to motion me to hold on a second), jacob heard me gasp, looked over at me (whereby i, noticing i was his strength at that point, faked excitement and said, "you can do it!"). my baby followed lou's instruction and put one foot up, pulled his body up, raised one hand up, pulled his foot up, and so on and so forth until he reached the top bunk. it was amazing!
he was flipping all around on the top bunk once he reached the top. he was so excited! i was sitting on the floor watching it all, and his sweet little face looked over the railing of the top bunk looked down at me with this incredible smile and said, "HEY!" hahahaha
lou took him off to do it again because he was giving signs to go again. well, this time lou did not have his hand on him as support. i was so tense as jacob's little body was literally shaking while he tried to steady himself and pull himself up. i saw him shaking and said low "lou get him!" jacob didn't hear me, but he felt me, and looked back at me for strength. i smiled as if to say, "you can do it." he smiled, turned around then slipped! lou caught him, but jacob had pretty much caught himself. and then he climbed up faster to the top. he learned the process so quickly!
i also recognized in an instant (even though i kinda already knew this) the power of my praise. if i had shown doubt, jacob would have sensed it and probably not gone further. i must never forget this---even into his adulthood. parents can be either the wind or the pin for the balloon of life for their kids (hmmm, i like that). :)
i also appreciated lou all the more in that instance cuz he makes jacobs take risks for his growth that i would probably NEVER do! mommies strengthen the heart, but daddies strengthen the resolve. :)
04 October 2007
And the children shall lead you...
i had an epiphany from my child yesterday. he didn't know he was the cause of it, but do they ever? hahaha there was a spider on the floor where jacob had run and where he had decided to plop down and play. noticing something inching toward my baby, i scooped him up and placed him in his playpen, so i could kill it. hating being confined and separated from all the action, jacob immediately began to scream.
this is what the lord showed me in that...he will often scoop us up and move us from situations we think are "fun" or are in our best interest because he sees what we cannot. and though we may become angry with the "where or what" of the situation, we can have comfort in the "why" of his purposefulness because he sees the big picture. god also showed me that although we often feel confined or restricted by his biblical parameters, his word keeps us from "the spiders" of this world that we may not even see.
this is significant for me because i was dealing with some thoughts and emotions which he needed to pull me away from and show me the purposefulness of his biblical parameters. hope it illuminates you as well.
this is what the lord showed me in that...he will often scoop us up and move us from situations we think are "fun" or are in our best interest because he sees what we cannot. and though we may become angry with the "where or what" of the situation, we can have comfort in the "why" of his purposefulness because he sees the big picture. god also showed me that although we often feel confined or restricted by his biblical parameters, his word keeps us from "the spiders" of this world that we may not even see.
this is significant for me because i was dealing with some thoughts and emotions which he needed to pull me away from and show me the purposefulness of his biblical parameters. hope it illuminates you as well.
28 September 2007
I'MMMM BAAAACKKKKK...
i know it's been forever since i've posted. i realize i now have a following, so to you i apologize. :) this has been such a busy couple of weeks. i started my new job, and i am still transitioning from SAHM (stay-at-home mom) to working mother/wife. i continually pray for balance, and i am slowly adjusting to waking up early, and going non-stop once i get home (dinner, playing/spending time with jacob, etc.).
i love my job. i am in the professional development department for a school district and i facilitate the trainings for teachers. i love my team, my department, and having NO TAKE HOME work (like grading papers continuously...as i did as a high school english teacher). i do miss my time with jacob and i WOULD have to return to work when he is now at the age where he actually GETS what the puppet shows are about, can participate in the sing-a-alongs for the mommy and me classes and stuff, but this is a different season now, and we're adjusting.
i also found out last week that i have high blood pressure. i was immobilized by an excruciating headache which permeated through my shoulders and arms. lou asked me if i'd checked my blood pressure, which i hadn't even thought to do because i've never suffered from it-- although it runs in my family. well, i did. it was crazy high, and now i'm on medication. so, i started my workout routine this week to lose weight and get off the medication. i found an old denise austin tape that i remember doing twice in the same sitting because it did not give me enough cardio, and i could not even make it through the stretches! hahahaha but, i know the first two weeks are always the hardest.
pray for me!
i love my job. i am in the professional development department for a school district and i facilitate the trainings for teachers. i love my team, my department, and having NO TAKE HOME work (like grading papers continuously...as i did as a high school english teacher). i do miss my time with jacob and i WOULD have to return to work when he is now at the age where he actually GETS what the puppet shows are about, can participate in the sing-a-alongs for the mommy and me classes and stuff, but this is a different season now, and we're adjusting.
i also found out last week that i have high blood pressure. i was immobilized by an excruciating headache which permeated through my shoulders and arms. lou asked me if i'd checked my blood pressure, which i hadn't even thought to do because i've never suffered from it-- although it runs in my family. well, i did. it was crazy high, and now i'm on medication. so, i started my workout routine this week to lose weight and get off the medication. i found an old denise austin tape that i remember doing twice in the same sitting because it did not give me enough cardio, and i could not even make it through the stretches! hahahaha but, i know the first two weeks are always the hardest.
pray for me!
02 September 2007
Just because pixs...
mad at mommy for keeping me from continually running across the alley to get the ball from the other kids (even while holding my own ball)...
transforming "napping daddy" to "horsey daddy"...The "out the box" series...
his hideaway...(yes, i washed the pot with the foot...hahaha)
the "duck with bottle cap" masterpiece game...
jacob created a "shoe toy." don't know how he got my shoe in here, but this was a great scooter toy for him...the genius series...
rinsing dishes for mommy...(poor thing, he doesn't know to enjoy NOT washing dishes right now as he will be doing plenty of that when he's older ;) ). also, i'm so glad to finally get a pix of him up on his toes. he's been doing that since he could stand. it baffles me how he can get up on his toes so high!
jacob helping daddy by pulling double duty as a gardener/surfer dude!
The genius series...cont...
mastering the "snap-click" trick i saw my mommy and daddy do with the markers (after many attempts and throwing many markers across the room in frustration)---then, bettering my skill with more and more markers...
"reading"...
mastering the slide...The genius series...
figuring out his new toy...
climbing up into a chair for the first time...(notice the squeal of success!!!)
my poor baby had flipped off the bed backwards (yes, we were right beside him when it happened!!!---i don't know which is worst--not being there when your child is hurt or being RIGHT BESIDE HIM when he's hurt (SIGH) )anyway, he had been holding his head for a couple of days and had a fever, so he had a CAT scan done in the emergency room. everything was fine. he was also fine a minute before this pix, but felt abandoned because mommy stepped away to get her camera...MEAN OLD MOMMY!!!
Just Because...
i was behind this truck at a light. i just had to take a picture of it. hahhahaa i guess i'll hook the "brother" up with some free advertising. hahahaha hilarious!
The terror series....
i call this my "terror" series. this first set are the "terror on the carousel" pixs i discussed in a previous blog. my mother said, "i'd be afraid of that thing too" (look at the deer) hahaha in the first pix, i have him on the deer and he's even afraid to touch it. in the second pix, i had taken him off and was about to put him on the smaller pony that he's now looking at with fear and screams.
this next set are "men of terror with big red terror machine"..
.
notice the book in my hand in the first pix. we had been reading about trucks, and i thought it would be a nice excursion to go and see one of the trucks...WRONG!!! hahhaha the second pix is jacob leaping into my arms from having been seated in the truck. he was absolutely terrified. the gentlemen were about to make it a better experience for him, but they were called to a fire .
these are the "WHAT THA!!!" shots...hahahaha i remember loving my "mr. potato head", so i decided to get one for jacob. he was horrified of that thing...which i could totally understand after i bought it and analyzed it from his perspective. hahahaha that's his cousin (my nephew who got all the scholarship stuff mentioned in a previous blog) helping him warm up to it. it worked! he began playing with it and now he totally loves that thing.
I'm mad!!
well, i guess not mad as much as hurt...well, not hurt as much as disappointed....well, not disappointed...
i don't know what i am right now. i guess i'm just BLAH!! my dinner sucked tonight. i had a nice little dinner of salisbury steak (sp??) with black-eyed peas, and green beans. i didn't cook the meat thoroughly (and it has to be JUST right because jacob doesn't really like beef anyway), the black-eyed peas were too salty, and the greenbeans tasted funny to lou (they didn't seem as fresh as i normally get them---different brand---well, i guess as "fresh" as frozen can be).
jacob has a way of letting us know he doesn't like something he's fed and when he's done eating. he'll continually bang in his food with his fork if he doesn't like it (because he likes the movement and the sound), and he'll throw his food, plate, or both on the floor when he's done. after we had sat down to dinner and he immediately began banging and then in the next move picked up his plate, i knew it was downhill from there! hahahaha and then lou and i bit into our medium-rare meat. Man!!!! but, my gravy turned out perfectly this time! hahahahaa
just all that prep time gone to waste...i hate WASTED time! it's such a loss. it's like the universe is flipping on its axis or something...
oh well, i took a little time to catch up on my blog because lou and the baby have gone for pizza...
i don't know what i am right now. i guess i'm just BLAH!! my dinner sucked tonight. i had a nice little dinner of salisbury steak (sp??) with black-eyed peas, and green beans. i didn't cook the meat thoroughly (and it has to be JUST right because jacob doesn't really like beef anyway), the black-eyed peas were too salty, and the greenbeans tasted funny to lou (they didn't seem as fresh as i normally get them---different brand---well, i guess as "fresh" as frozen can be).
jacob has a way of letting us know he doesn't like something he's fed and when he's done eating. he'll continually bang in his food with his fork if he doesn't like it (because he likes the movement and the sound), and he'll throw his food, plate, or both on the floor when he's done. after we had sat down to dinner and he immediately began banging and then in the next move picked up his plate, i knew it was downhill from there! hahahaha and then lou and i bit into our medium-rare meat. Man!!!! but, my gravy turned out perfectly this time! hahahahaa
just all that prep time gone to waste...i hate WASTED time! it's such a loss. it's like the universe is flipping on its axis or something...
oh well, i took a little time to catch up on my blog because lou and the baby have gone for pizza...
13 August 2007
My Ring
i lost my wedding ring. it's been missing for about a week. it's weird how i miss having it on my finger. i remember having to get adjusted to wearing it since i stopped keeping rings on overnight about 9 years ago (i sliced through my finger with a glass that had broken in the water while washing dishes. my finger swelled very rapidly. the emergency doctor could not cut the ring off my finger because of the swelling and was about to take my finger! prayer and a quick tug from me changed the outcome of that decision!!!).
anyway, not having it caused me to frequent the memory of my life before marriage, step-children, and my own child. a bare finger brought me face to face with my secret desires of having to work only with MY schedule, cook meals I desired, go places I wanted to go, read MY books, get dressed with only ME in mind, shower/bathe/just be in the bathroom as long as I wanted, have time to watch MY shows, shop for MYSELF, deal only with MY moods, seek MY own counsel (and God of course) on issues, go eat at places of MY choosing...(and on and on)
i also found myself wondering if people thought i was a single parent when jacob and i were out and about (i'm not slamming single parenting---hey you do what you gotta do---that's just not what i desire for me).
lou and i went to a marriage seminar a few weekends ago facilitated by jimmy evans. he used the story of exodus 16 to illustrate the renewal of marriage daily. in the story, the lord rained down manna from heaven, but the israelites were to gather as much as they needed daily and discard the rest. no one was to keep any of it until morning.
of course, telling someone not to do something is a definite sign that they WILL do just that. so, those that kept the manna until morning discovered it was filled with maggots and began to smell. his point was "yesterday's love is worthless. love only works today. all points you may have think you gained during the day evaporate at midnight every night. if you married a 'normal' person, they're gonna need you everyday."
let me just continue on with a few more things he stated about marriage because i feel someone needs to hear this (then i'll return to my ring story :) )...
he said there are 4 common misconceptions about marriage: 1) if we marry the right person, the emotions will happen naturally and effortlessly---[WRONG! there is no such thing as a marriage where the chemistry is always there]
2) if my emotions have changed toward my spouse, then i must have married the wrong person---[WRONG! you'll have issues in marriage--it doesn't matter who they are. if you trusted God then with your decision, trust him now. he used a cute illustration at this point. you know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." well, he said he heard someone say, "when the grass looks greener on the other side, it's time to water your own yard." or "when the grass looks greener on the other sided, it's cuz you can't see the poop from here." hahahaha my take on that is "the grass is greener on the other side, but it still has to mowed too." (feel free to use that one :)
3) positive events, experiences, and actions should fuel the emotions long term. [WRONG! love is the most perishable thing on earth]...then he went into the manna story...
he continued with there are three laws of marriage: 1) The Law of Priority (put each other first after God) 2) Law of Pursuit (have to work at it) 3) Law of Possesion (everything we have we share--"the two shall become one" (Gen. 2:24)---everything i owned previously is now ours. anything i will not give up can potentially harm the marriage. "MY" destroys marriages.
so back to my ring...
eventually, i began to miss it. then i found myself grateful for who i have now become as a wife and mother. everything i've done, the person i once was, was training ground for who i am now. yes, i may at times resist, but this is now my calling;this is now my ministry;this is now my life, and i embrace it joyfully. i am metaphorically turning clockwise the first letter of the pronoun"M"E into "W"E in my spirit--as well as in my life.
i felt naked without my ring, much as i felt spiritually naked wallowing in the longings of a time long since gone by. and everyday, as i got dressed, i always felt like something was missing. and then i remembered the reality of my single life. it was great. and, i at the time felt i was not missing anything because i was complete in christ (it's only been 2.5 years ago). yet, i understand more now of the "mystery of marriage." it's a bond you have no idea of until you actually go through it.
when i found my ring hidden in the pocket of my dirty jeans needing to be washed (which is an analogy in and of itself---but you get the point :) ), it effortlessly slipped onto my ring finger as if to say, " i wasn't lost...just waiting...waiting for you to find me and all that i symbolize."
in christ, nothing happens by chance.
anyway, not having it caused me to frequent the memory of my life before marriage, step-children, and my own child. a bare finger brought me face to face with my secret desires of having to work only with MY schedule, cook meals I desired, go places I wanted to go, read MY books, get dressed with only ME in mind, shower/bathe/just be in the bathroom as long as I wanted, have time to watch MY shows, shop for MYSELF, deal only with MY moods, seek MY own counsel (and God of course) on issues, go eat at places of MY choosing...(and on and on)
i also found myself wondering if people thought i was a single parent when jacob and i were out and about (i'm not slamming single parenting---hey you do what you gotta do---that's just not what i desire for me).
lou and i went to a marriage seminar a few weekends ago facilitated by jimmy evans. he used the story of exodus 16 to illustrate the renewal of marriage daily. in the story, the lord rained down manna from heaven, but the israelites were to gather as much as they needed daily and discard the rest. no one was to keep any of it until morning.
of course, telling someone not to do something is a definite sign that they WILL do just that. so, those that kept the manna until morning discovered it was filled with maggots and began to smell. his point was "yesterday's love is worthless. love only works today. all points you may have think you gained during the day evaporate at midnight every night. if you married a 'normal' person, they're gonna need you everyday."
let me just continue on with a few more things he stated about marriage because i feel someone needs to hear this (then i'll return to my ring story :) )...
he said there are 4 common misconceptions about marriage: 1) if we marry the right person, the emotions will happen naturally and effortlessly---[WRONG! there is no such thing as a marriage where the chemistry is always there]
2) if my emotions have changed toward my spouse, then i must have married the wrong person---[WRONG! you'll have issues in marriage--it doesn't matter who they are. if you trusted God then with your decision, trust him now. he used a cute illustration at this point. you know the saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." well, he said he heard someone say, "when the grass looks greener on the other side, it's time to water your own yard." or "when the grass looks greener on the other sided, it's cuz you can't see the poop from here." hahahaha my take on that is "the grass is greener on the other side, but it still has to mowed too." (feel free to use that one :)
3) positive events, experiences, and actions should fuel the emotions long term. [WRONG! love is the most perishable thing on earth]...then he went into the manna story...
he continued with there are three laws of marriage: 1) The Law of Priority (put each other first after God) 2) Law of Pursuit (have to work at it) 3) Law of Possesion (everything we have we share--"the two shall become one" (Gen. 2:24)---everything i owned previously is now ours. anything i will not give up can potentially harm the marriage. "MY" destroys marriages.
so back to my ring...
eventually, i began to miss it. then i found myself grateful for who i have now become as a wife and mother. everything i've done, the person i once was, was training ground for who i am now. yes, i may at times resist, but this is now my calling;this is now my ministry;this is now my life, and i embrace it joyfully. i am metaphorically turning clockwise the first letter of the pronoun"M"E into "W"E in my spirit--as well as in my life.
i felt naked without my ring, much as i felt spiritually naked wallowing in the longings of a time long since gone by. and everyday, as i got dressed, i always felt like something was missing. and then i remembered the reality of my single life. it was great. and, i at the time felt i was not missing anything because i was complete in christ (it's only been 2.5 years ago). yet, i understand more now of the "mystery of marriage." it's a bond you have no idea of until you actually go through it.
when i found my ring hidden in the pocket of my dirty jeans needing to be washed (which is an analogy in and of itself---but you get the point :) ), it effortlessly slipped onto my ring finger as if to say, " i wasn't lost...just waiting...waiting for you to find me and all that i symbolize."
in christ, nothing happens by chance.
The carousel...
a man and woman are shopping in the mall. having shopped for about an hour, the couple decide it's now time for their infant to have some fun. the couple let the infant peer over the 2nd floor rail to see the carousel on the ground floor of the mall--the beautiful colors, shapes, and sounds entice the infant who squeals with delight! the couple take the infant to the carousel, where the infant (fascinated with this wondrous machine) grabs hold of the reindeer with the colorful saddle, and braces himself (with a beeming smile ) awaiting the ride of his life...
that was the fantasy...
the reality was...well, let's just say you need to replace every image that implies happiness and glee with imagery of sheer terror and tears. hahahahahaha
my poor baby. a couple of weeks ago, lou and i thought it would be so much fun for jacob to ride the carousel, and it was nice up until i actually put him on the reindeer. jacob freaked!!! i was standing right with him and holding him, but that reindeer spooked him something awful. now, top that off with the neighboring pony (which looked very similar to the fake pony at the science museum which also freaked him out...an important detail i only now realize in hindsight), and you have a recipe for terror. blessedly, there was an unoccupied bench behind the "terror animals" that i was able to safely move to (as the carousel was already in motion) without causing both of us to fly off the machine...
i'll update with pixs at a later date. i need to free up some memory on my laptop.
kids are weird...hahahaha
that was the fantasy...
the reality was...well, let's just say you need to replace every image that implies happiness and glee with imagery of sheer terror and tears. hahahahahaha
my poor baby. a couple of weeks ago, lou and i thought it would be so much fun for jacob to ride the carousel, and it was nice up until i actually put him on the reindeer. jacob freaked!!! i was standing right with him and holding him, but that reindeer spooked him something awful. now, top that off with the neighboring pony (which looked very similar to the fake pony at the science museum which also freaked him out...an important detail i only now realize in hindsight), and you have a recipe for terror. blessedly, there was an unoccupied bench behind the "terror animals" that i was able to safely move to (as the carousel was already in motion) without causing both of us to fly off the machine...
i'll update with pixs at a later date. i need to free up some memory on my laptop.
kids are weird...hahahaha
02 August 2007
The cold shoulder...
now, children are precious as i stated in the last blog, but my son has been giving me the cold shoulder here lately. what's up with that??? at first i was like, "awww, that's so sweet. he's identifying with lou." he basically does not want lou out of his sight. he follows him EVERYWHERE. and when i say everywhere, i mean EVERYWHERE! when i try to join in by sitting with them or reading with them, jacob has begun pushing me away.
now, i know what you're thinking, "well, maybe he's spent a lot of time with you and that's his 'daddy' time." WRONG!!! it's always daddy time. from sun up to sun down. sometimes he breaks the routine and realizes he's been ignoring me, then i'll get a great big bear hug with an "ummmph!" sound (sound effects courtesy of grandma). then it's off to find "da-da."
when he pushed me away yesterday, while da-da was holding him and i came to hug him, i just smiled, backed up, and told him "mommy loves you." thinking that kinda hurt me (as i had been at work all day and hadn't seen him, whereas da-da had been at home with him), lou was about to say something, but jacob realized himself that he had maybe gone too far, and reached out to hug me and nuzzle in my neck. lou and i marveled at how even HE realized that push was a bit much. however, the nuzzle was short lived as it was back to da-da he went. hahaha
in that moment i had a flash-forward to the teen years--that time when teens are trying to figure themselves out and be mature, but also recognize they're still under their parents authority [remember those years???]. that time when parents are idiots and they dare not show affection toward them as much. and the parents, love them right through it with hopefully as little heartache as possible.
naw, my jakey-jake won't be that way. this is just a phase...right?
now, i know what you're thinking, "well, maybe he's spent a lot of time with you and that's his 'daddy' time." WRONG!!! it's always daddy time. from sun up to sun down. sometimes he breaks the routine and realizes he's been ignoring me, then i'll get a great big bear hug with an "ummmph!" sound (sound effects courtesy of grandma). then it's off to find "da-da."
when he pushed me away yesterday, while da-da was holding him and i came to hug him, i just smiled, backed up, and told him "mommy loves you." thinking that kinda hurt me (as i had been at work all day and hadn't seen him, whereas da-da had been at home with him), lou was about to say something, but jacob realized himself that he had maybe gone too far, and reached out to hug me and nuzzle in my neck. lou and i marveled at how even HE realized that push was a bit much. however, the nuzzle was short lived as it was back to da-da he went. hahaha
in that moment i had a flash-forward to the teen years--that time when teens are trying to figure themselves out and be mature, but also recognize they're still under their parents authority [remember those years???]. that time when parents are idiots and they dare not show affection toward them as much. and the parents, love them right through it with hopefully as little heartache as possible.
naw, my jakey-jake won't be that way. this is just a phase...right?
These three words...
no, they aren't "i love you" (to quote stevie wonder), they're "ear, light, and eye." three glorious words that prove to me i'm not a failure as a parent. i REALLY AM teaching and my child really is LEARNING! words are beginning to stick! jacob actually pointed to his eye AND his ear yesterday and stated what they were. granted, i have to give credit also to my mom who reinforces what we cover with him when he's with her during the day, but WU-HOO!!!
i am so proud! two days ago, he pointed to the light and said "light." i'm really amazed because he didn't say "yite" like most babies are prone to do. he actually said the "L." i've birthed a genius! hahahaha
it's like once he turned 17 months he just began advancing. he even stands still while i cut his hair and tilts his little head so i can cut better (this just happened tonight).
children are so precious...
i am so proud! two days ago, he pointed to the light and said "light." i'm really amazed because he didn't say "yite" like most babies are prone to do. he actually said the "L." i've birthed a genius! hahahaha
it's like once he turned 17 months he just began advancing. he even stands still while i cut his hair and tilts his little head so i can cut better (this just happened tonight).
children are so precious...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)