My Birthday...

my b'day was july 23rd and i turned 37...yes, i put my age out there into virtual eternity...37! it's funny, but i don't feel as old as that number looks. i really still feel like i'm in my 20's. i was thinking, "do i feel as if i know as much as a 37 year old should know? have i accomplished all that a 37 year old should accomplish?"

i've heard people say that they had to put their life on hold because they had kids. or, kids limit what you can do. but, as i reflected (that's a word, right??) on my life the day before my b'day (as i do every year), i thought about all that i had accomplished before jacob. i mean i taught in three different school districts, i've taught students from all over the world, i have my M.Ed., i've been an administrator, i've been a speaker, i've been published (albeit in "low-scale" magazines), traveled, and had a great life. but, the hardest, most stressful, most rewarding, and definitely the only job i've EVER had that encompassed and developed all aspects of my being has been being a mom. it seems as if i was re-born a third time (2nd time as a christian) as my son was being born. i mean even during the birthing process, i drew upon a reserve of which i had no idea i contained. and, i felt like i was pretty self-actualized.

why do people make light of such an enormous and awesome job that is parenting? my hubby asked me if i'm ever going to stop staring at jacob and saying, "i can't believe he came from me? i can't believe god allowed me to participate in his miracle." hahaha he's 17 mos. now, and i still do it.

really, what did i do to deserve this gift of being the vessel through which this wonderful being would come into the world and who would fill something that was missing from the world? there is something god needs done in this world that only my jacob can do. and, his parents are the ones god has entrusted to prepare him for doing it! i am so glad god will fill in the gaps of our mistakes, and take the good and the bad of jacob's life to be for his glory.

so i look forward to the future and think about how i had 35 years of preparation for my greatest accomplishment to date....my little jacob. what a great birthday indeed!!!

Joyful Grapes

i stayed home from work today in order to monitor jacob as he had had an allergic reaction to something (i don't know if it was something he ate or those vaccines pumping through his little veins). anyway, while we're having lunch, we're singing and eating and stuff, but in the back of my mind i'm thinking about what bills are due, how we're going to pay this and that, and the extra income my job now provides coming monthly instead of bi-weekly---then i come out of my "whoaisus" trance to discover my son is having the grandest time with his grapes.

he has no idea of his mommy's internal turmoil, all he knows is that those grapes are good, fun to play with, and fun to stack! hahaha it then dawns on me---AGAIN--that i must be with my father as jacob is with me. i must walk in the confidence of knowing god is taking care of things externally, so i don't have to be discouraged internally...i just need to play with the grapes! :)

here are some pixs of his enjoyment...he's sooo cute!

ANTS!

we have a major ant problem! i feel like they're ALWAYS crawling on me. and, they aren't the big fire ants that i'm used to, they're the little teeny ones that just show up if there's a crumb or something on the floor.

i used to be so fascinated with ants when i was younger. i have no reason why, but i just liked to watch them. well, my love of ant watching returned as i watched them the other day.

my mom had given me this ant killer solution that has the smell and consistency of syrup, but is deadly! well, i placed some on a little piece of cardboard on the sink in our bathroom, and they did not come immediately, but when they came, MAN! i was amazed at their cooperation to complete a goal. we have jacob's monitor plugged into an outlet above the sink, and sometimes we forget to unplug it after it's gotten some electrical "juice." well those ants were coming from the carpet on the floor into the bathroom in droves, climbing up the cord, eating that stuff, and sort of like giving each other high five in passing while some were going down the cord. and, there was one ant who appeared to be telling everyone where to go get the "good food." he was at the center of the cord and turning around to all the ants moving them forward to the syrup.

fascinating! i even leaned down on the floor to see where they were coming from, but i couldn't tell. it was just a small carpet fiber or something. well, i figured if they were eating that stuff, if i got another small piece of cardboard with the poison on it and placed it next to that one, more would come and more would die. well, when i placed it down, the "director" looked as if he bounced up and down as if to say, "HEY GUYS GET OUTTA THERE! IT'S A HUMAN!" what appeared to be hundreds of ants beautifully aligned in a circle eating off this drop of "syrup poison" quickly dispersed and in sync all ran down the cord! their timing was impeccable, and they never bumped into one another. i started to smash them all on the way down, but i realized the rest of the nest(??)( pile??) wouldn't get the poison, so i let them go.

in watching them, i thought about my pastor who has said "the natural is always a manifestation of the spiritual," and i thought about the spiritual ramifications of what i saw. i thought of I Cor. 10:23 (NIV), "everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial-everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive." wasn't that the ants? they happily ran to what they thought was sweet satisfaction (free will/permissible) only to later discover they were actually running TO their demise (not beneficial).

lord bless those who are reading this particular entry. let them not be swift to run to what appears sweet, but let them be guided by you in determining what is beneficial and what is constructive. develop them lord into spiritual warriors and help them to know that anything that is not done for the lord is done in vain (see I Cor. 15:58). in jesus' name i beseech you, amen.

Bragging about my nephew!

we are sooo proud of my nephew. he's received a full scholarship to the school of his choice, and he's discovered he'll be entering as a SECOND SEMESTER SOPHOMORE when school starts. he was taking college prepatory courses called "advanced placement (AP) courses." upon completing the coursework in the program, students are able to take the national exam in varied subjects. colleges view the scores, and most will accept a score of "3" (out of 5) from a student to allow him/her to be exempt from having to take that course in college .

it has surprised me how few people know about AP courses. go to collegeboard.com to find out more. it is a national program.

okay, back to my nephew. well, he scored pretty much 4's on all his tests with a few 5's. he took AP History, Calculus, English, Chemistry, and a few more...but he has earned 53 credit hours! isn't that amazing?!! not only does that save the families money, but the students also get to graduate early. i wish i had taken AP courses seriously when i was in high school. i took AP English and AP Biology in high school, which i tested out of for college...i should have taken more...

here's a pix of my nephew. i'm not ready to put his name out into cyberspace, but once he graduates, you'll know who he is...he's a musician.

hahaha wasn't he adorable?!! i'll have to upload a recent one from my camera (which i don't feel like doing right now), and i'll post it next to this one...so keep checking back (oh, he's the one on the left looking at the camera).

dear lord, bless your son who you formed in his mother's womb to stay christ-centered in a self-centered world. guide his thoughts, actions, and deeds in the direction which gives you glory in an environment where youth often seek to glorify themselves through their pleasures. protect his heart and his mind as we send him off to put into practice those virtues his family has instilled in him. let him never grow weary in being a leader, seeking your will, and following your word. i pray this in your son jesus' name. amen.

Jacob's shots...cont.

okay, all is well. jacob has not had a reaction to the shots other than dragging his little leg. he is sleeping with us because of course i need to keep a watchful eye over him. i'm still tormented by seeing those long needles rammed into my baby's legs. evidenced by my poem...or maybe not :)...i was a little ticked off.

my mom was with me, and she stated they go fast so as to not prolong the pain, but the last nurse i had went just as quickly, but did it with a little more compassion. i forgot to look at the needles to make sure she was giving him the right thing. i guess she knew what she was doing. he just looked so pitiful. he was okay with the first one, then BAM! BAM! came the other two.
he's a trooper though. he only cried a little bit, and then whimpered. i pressed on his shots, applied ice (as much as he would let me), gave him some apple juice, and he was fine ( my book What your doctor may NOT tell you about vaccines stated it's good to give juice before and after the DTaP shot to maintain sugar levels...or something like that...also, check out the entry on "immunizations" to see how to boost your child's immune system before and after the shots).

i've memorized every inch of his little body, so i'll be keeping a VERY watchful eye over any adverse reactions to these 5 things that have been pumped into my little one (DTaP, HIB, IPV). SIGH! i guess i should go to bed now as i have to get up in a few hours (went early, then woke up and couldn't sleep).

Jacob shots...

Jacob got his shots today...
it hurt my heart to see it.
and try as i might, i can't lose the sight
of his thigh engulfing the needle.

oh, that i could for just that moment take my baby's place
and be him!

i wanted to slap the administering nurse who rushed my baby's shots,
saying they needed the room.
but i kept my cool, silenced my curse,
and just held my precious one--praying that eternal moment would end very soon!


i'll write more later...my little one needs to be held...

Jacob in the rain...

lou took jacob out into the rain. since he LOVES water, lou thought he wouldn't be too afraid of the storm (once again, something i would NEVER do cuz of pneumonia and stuff :) ). he had a ball! here are a few shots of the memorable moment...

Sperm donors

so much for posting 2-3x a week... this has been such a busy week. it is such a challenge for me in my new role of "working mother." maybe it would have been easier just being thrust into working after being with the baby a short time, but i've been at home with jacob for roughtly 13 months (i went back for 2 months after my 6 wk. span). i don't want to do anything after work but get home to him. then, after dinner, playtime, and bathtime there's not too much time left before bedtime. (SIGH)

okay, here is a topic i wanted to put out there. lou and i were watching 60 minutes last week, and they were talking about the children of sperm donors now wanting to locate their biological fathers--or the sperm donors. these women happened to strike up a conversation in the park or something about their kids' father, and they discovered they had the same sperm donor, so their children were half brother and sister. also, they soon discovered their children had another sibling. now, they have "family" get-togethers and stuff so the children can bond.

well, they all tracked down the father, and he is a young doctor who was recently married and has a baby on the way. for $50 a donation, he believed all were benefiting. him, because he needed the money, and the ladies who received his sperm because they wanted a child. he even continued to donate after he was married. now, the kicker is, that he doesn't consider the children created from his sperm his children, but he is willing to meet them. he could in actuality have over 100 children because of the amount of sperm he's donated over the years.

these stories are SOOO bizarre to me. what has become of the family? this man has all these chldren, yet he does not believe they are REALLY his because he "just gave some sperm." lou and i were discussing if this could be considered "spilling your sperm" [see Gen. 38:10] which god was not pleased with. how dare this man think ejaculating into a cup and walking away with $5o absolves him of his parental duty!!! how dare society allow him (and the many others who are doing this also--as well as the women who are participating) to!